Put This On’s Seven Spring Essentials!
It’s happening again: winter is turning to spring, the warmer season that happens each year before summer. That’s right: spring is having a moment! You’ll need plenty of essential items for this uber-hip time of year, but we’ve narrowed the list down to the seven most essential. Don’t have these? Kill yourself.
Boat Shoes. Whether you’re the Captain or just a Tennille, you’ll love these watery hoofers. For best results, put them on your feet - they’ll cover them up in case of thorns.
Sunglasses. Sunglasses use tinted plastic to protect your eyes from strain. Sound like a great idea? That’s because it is. Grab ‘em.
Trousers. From Milan to Minsk, men will be wearing trousers this spring. And why not? They cover your legs, insulating against cold and protecting them from low brush.
Nail Clippers. Without these handy spring-loaded snappers, your fingernails would grow long and grotesque. Not a good look!
A Home. April showers bring May flowers - but you won’t care if you’re living under the freeway overpass. Get yourself a home, whether it’s a rental or something you own lock stock and barrel. Because when it rains: it pours! Water, that is.
Ten Puppies. When it comes to puppies - especially labrador puppies - nine’s just not enough. So get ten. (Pictured above.)
A Shred of Dignity. Without this, where are you? Under the freeway overpass? No girlfriend? No prospects? Even your parents won’t talk to you anymore, since you messed up the rear panel of their Wagoneer trying to parallel park drunk?

Put This On’s Seven Spring Essentials!

It’s happening again: winter is turning to spring, the warmer season that happens each year before summer. That’s right: spring is having a moment! You’ll need plenty of essential items for this uber-hip time of year, but we’ve narrowed the list down to the seven most essential. Don’t have these? Kill yourself.

  1. Boat Shoes. Whether you’re the Captain or just a Tennille, you’ll love these watery hoofers. For best results, put them on your feet - they’ll cover them up in case of thorns.
  2. Sunglasses. Sunglasses use tinted plastic to protect your eyes from strain. Sound like a great idea? That’s because it is. Grab ‘em.
  3. Trousers. From Milan to Minsk, men will be wearing trousers this spring. And why not? They cover your legs, insulating against cold and protecting them from low brush.
  4. Nail Clippers. Without these handy spring-loaded snappers, your fingernails would grow long and grotesque. Not a good look!
  5. A Home. April showers bring May flowers - but you won’t care if you’re living under the freeway overpass. Get yourself a home, whether it’s a rental or something you own lock stock and barrel. Because when it rains: it pours! Water, that is.
  6. Ten Puppies. When it comes to puppies - especially labrador puppies - nine’s just not enough. So get ten. (Pictured above.)
  7. A Shred of Dignity. Without this, where are you? Under the freeway overpass? No girlfriend? No prospects? Even your parents won’t talk to you anymore, since you messed up the rear panel of their Wagoneer trying to parallel park drunk?