The Atlantic Ocean Comedy & Music Festival

This September, I’m putting on the biggest event of my life: the Atlantic Ocean Comedy & Music Festival. It’s a cruise to the Bahamas featuring an amazing lineup of music and comedy acts… on the music side we have Nellie McKay, John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats, Dan Deacon and John Roderick. On the comedy side, we have Marc Maron, John Hodgman, Nick Thune, Wyatt Cenac, Eugene Mirman, Jonah Ray and many more. Oh, and unlimited soft-serve ice cream.

The cruise (including a pre-party in Miami) runs September 12th-16th. Ticket sales end August 9th. So come join us for a certainly fun thing you will definitely want to do again.

Book your tickets now at BoatParty.biz.

Judge John Hodgman: ODOR IN THE COURT!

Ordinarily, I’m the bailiff on the Judge John Hodgman Podcast, which features my friend John Hodgman (who you may know from The Daily Show, his books, Bored to Death or the Mac/PC commercials) as a wise and hilarious judge.

This week, though, while the judge is away, the bailiff plays. Hodgman’s on vacation, so I sat in for him in a very Put This On case: a man who sometimes goes two weeks without showering or washing his clothes, cuts his own hair and insists he doesn’t smell.

A very sweet guy, but pretty dang gross.

What did I decide?

You can listen above, on our website, or you can subscribe to the show free in iTunes.

I’m really excited and proud to share with you my latest project: The Atlantic Ocean Comedy & Music Festival. This September, I’ll be setting off from the port of Miami with some of my favorite entertainers and a few hundred of our closest friends and associates. We’ll have two nights of comedy, one of music, and four days of fun in the sun. Also: shuffleboard.
Our performers list is absolutely amazing. 
On the comedy side, we’ll have Al Madrigal and John Hodgman from The Daily Show, Marc Maron from WTF, Kurt & Kristen (that’s Kurt Braunohler and Kristen Schaal), Maria Bamford, and Eugene Mirman. Plus a couple of comics I think are amazing who you should know about: Jasper Redd, Hari Kondobalu, Josie Long and Nick Thune. Every one of these people is among the best in the business.
The music side might be even better. We’ve got John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats. We’ve got the charming and beautiful Nellie McKay. We’ve got John Roderick of the Long Winters. And the party will be set off right by the amazing, amazing Dan Deacon. This will be unbelievable.
Besides all that, this is a classy cruise ship, not some Carnival monstrosity. Bring your good clothes. And your valet, if you’ve got one.
You can book your berth now - and your hotel room for the pre-party in Miami. It’s all online at the awesome website boatparty.biz.

I’m really excited and proud to share with you my latest project: The Atlantic Ocean Comedy & Music Festival. This September, I’ll be setting off from the port of Miami with some of my favorite entertainers and a few hundred of our closest friends and associates. We’ll have two nights of comedy, one of music, and four days of fun in the sun. Also: shuffleboard.

Our performers list is absolutely amazing.

On the comedy side, we’ll have Al Madrigal and John Hodgman from The Daily Show, Marc Maron from WTF, Kurt & Kristen (that’s Kurt Braunohler and Kristen Schaal), Maria Bamford, and Eugene Mirman. Plus a couple of comics I think are amazing who you should know about: Jasper Redd, Hari Kondobalu, Josie Long and Nick Thune. Every one of these people is among the best in the business.

The music side might be even better. We’ve got John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats. We’ve got the charming and beautiful Nellie McKay. We’ve got John Roderick of the Long Winters. And the party will be set off right by the amazing, amazing Dan Deacon. This will be unbelievable.

Besides all that, this is a classy cruise ship, not some Carnival monstrosity. Bring your good clothes. And your valet, if you’ve got one.

You can book your berth now - and your hotel room for the pre-party in Miami. It’s all online at the awesome website boatparty.biz.

jessethorn:

It’s important to dress for the occasion.

jessethorn:

It’s important to dress for the occasion.

Speaking of seeing me live and in-person, if you’re in New York, I’ll be joining my friend and colleague John Hodgman for the first ever live Judge John Hodgman show. We’ll have some very cool special guests on tap, and I’ll be wearing a full bailiff uniform that I purchased from a company that sells clothes to real bailiffs. 100% Polyester. I’ll basically be dressed like Bull from Night Court.
Anyway, it’s October 22nd at the Greene Space. Tickets are on sale now.

Speaking of seeing me live and in-person, if you’re in New York, I’ll be joining my friend and colleague John Hodgman for the first ever live Judge John Hodgman show. We’ll have some very cool special guests on tap, and I’ll be wearing a full bailiff uniform that I purchased from a company that sells clothes to real bailiffs. 100% Polyester. I’ll basically be dressed like Bull from Night Court.

Anyway, it’s October 22nd at the Greene Space. Tickets are on sale now.

My good friend Mr. John Hodgman is a writer, famous minor television personality, and deranged millionaire. His new book, THAT IS ALL, is the third and final in his trilogy of All World Knowledge. It features extensive instructions on living as a deranged millionaire, including a handy guide to dress. We’ve reprinted the instructions here, with Mr. Hodgman’s permission. Please note that if you don’t buy his book, which hits bookshelves November 1st, you’ll never amount to anything.
HOW TO DRESS LIKE A MILLION DERANGED DOLLARS, 
OR “THE BEST COSTUME FOR THE DAY”
You can learn a lot about a DERANGED MILLIONAIRE by looking at his/her wardrobe for a long, long time. It’s OK to stare at them this way. They will not notice you, because YOU DO NOT EXIST TO THEM.
Everyone has his or her own style, of course, but I think you’ll find that the DERANGED MILLIONAIRE’s clothing is never too showy. Flaunting wealth, either by your choice of clothing or with a golden wealth flaunter, is considered poor form, for it makes you look anxious.
What is important is that you never look as though you have dressed specifically for a particular occasion, but rather for yourself. Your wardrobe may be dressy or casual,as long as you are dressed in a tuxedo, an authentic Civil War uniform, or whatever makes YOU comfortable. Remember, when YOU are at ease, OTHERS WILL NOT BE.
So here are some suggested outfits for various occasions; in time, you will be able to develop your own sense of which disarming eccentricities look best on you….
FOR THE OFFICE
For gentlemen, a single-breasted suit in a conservative color and a solid tie or club tie. If you must wear shoes, wear two-toed ninja shoes.
For ladies, a tasteful brown turtle-neck Sun pants with pantyhose pulled over them, and then a short skirt made of a bath towel.
FOR “CASUAL FRIDAY”
For gentlemen, try a three-piece denim suit and velvet slippers with little crowns on them.
For ladies, same as above [FOR THE OFFICE], but turn the skirt into a cape.
FOR A SUMMER GARDEN PARTY
For gentlemen, seersucker shorts, a plaid blazer, and a beekeeper’s hat.
For ladies, a kicky summer dress made out of Marimekko sheets, worn over a swimsuit made of pantyhose.
FOR A RED-CARPET GALA
For gentlemen, a peak-lapel tuxedo, a simple white shirt (no “wing” collar), a black bow tie, and a black panther on a rope.
For ladies, an evening gown hastily assembled from the red carpet itself.
FOR DINNER ON THE EAST COAST
Gentlemen should wear a coat and tie.
Ladies should wear an evening gown or dark-colored cocktail dress.*
(* These can be assembled from pantyhose and handkerchiefs as needed.)
FOR DINNER ON THE WEST COAST
Gentlemen should wear nothing but a silken robe and tube socks. If the invitation is for “formalwear,” gentlemen should add an Ed Hardy t-shirt.
Ladies should be nude.
FOR ATTENDING THE TED CONFERENCE
Gentlemen should wear Patrick McGoohan’s white piped blazer from the television program The Prisoner plus khakis and a cravat.
Ladies should dress like Leo McKern.
FOR A MONOCLE PARTY
Gentlemen SHOULD NOT wear monocles.* THAT’S JUST WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO DO.
Ladies may wear opera glasses strapped to their heads with Velcro.
(*However, double monocles - or bimonocles - are acceptable.)

My good friend Mr. John Hodgman is a writer, famous minor television personality, and deranged millionaire. His new book, THAT IS ALL, is the third and final in his trilogy of All World Knowledge. It features extensive instructions on living as a deranged millionaire, including a handy guide to dress. We’ve reprinted the instructions here, with Mr. Hodgman’s permission. Please note that if you don’t buy his book, which hits bookshelves November 1st, you’ll never amount to anything.

HOW TO DRESS LIKE A MILLION DERANGED DOLLARS,

OR “THE BEST COSTUME FOR THE DAY”

You can learn a lot about a DERANGED MILLIONAIRE by looking at his/her wardrobe for a long, long time. It’s OK to stare at them this way. They will not notice you, because YOU DO NOT EXIST TO THEM.

Everyone has his or her own style, of course, but I think you’ll find that the DERANGED MILLIONAIRE’s clothing is never too showy. Flaunting wealth, either by your choice of clothing or with a golden wealth flaunter, is considered poor form, for it makes you look anxious.

What is important is that you never look as though you have dressed specifically for a particular occasion, but rather for yourself. Your wardrobe may be dressy or casual,as long as you are dressed in a tuxedo, an authentic Civil War uniform, or whatever makes YOU comfortable. Remember, when YOU are at ease, OTHERS WILL NOT BE.

So here are some suggested outfits for various occasions; in time, you will be able to develop your own sense of which disarming eccentricities look best on you….

FOR THE OFFICE

For gentlemen, a single-breasted suit in a conservative color and a solid tie or club tie. If you must wear shoes, wear two-toed ninja shoes.

For ladies, a tasteful brown turtle-neck Sun pants with pantyhose pulled over them, and then a short skirt made of a bath towel.

FOR “CASUAL FRIDAY”

For gentlemen, try a three-piece denim suit and velvet slippers with little crowns on them.

For ladies, same as above [FOR THE OFFICE], but turn the skirt into a cape.

FOR A SUMMER GARDEN PARTY

For gentlemen, seersucker shorts, a plaid blazer, and a beekeeper’s hat.

For ladies, a kicky summer dress made out of Marimekko sheets, worn over a swimsuit made of pantyhose.

FOR A RED-CARPET GALA

For gentlemen, a peak-lapel tuxedo, a simple white shirt (no “wing” collar), a black bow tie, and a black panther on a rope.

For ladies, an evening gown hastily assembled from the red carpet itself.

FOR DINNER ON THE EAST COAST

Gentlemen should wear a coat and tie.

Ladies should wear an evening gown or dark-colored cocktail dress.*

(* These can be assembled from pantyhose and handkerchiefs as needed.)

FOR DINNER ON THE WEST COAST

Gentlemen should wear nothing but a silken robe and tube socks. If the invitation is for “formalwear,” gentlemen should add an Ed Hardy t-shirt.

Ladies should be nude.

FOR ATTENDING THE TED CONFERENCE

Gentlemen should wear Patrick McGoohan’s white piped blazer from the television program The Prisoner plus khakis and a cravat.

Ladies should dress like Leo McKern.

FOR A MONOCLE PARTY

Gentlemen SHOULD NOT wear monocles.* THAT’S JUST WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO DO.

Ladies may wear opera glasses strapped to their heads with Velcro.

(*However, double monocles - or bimonocles - are acceptable.)

This video features many of my favorite things, such as my friend and colleague John Hodgman, the legendary Mr. Dick Cavett and DERANGED MILLIONAIRE STYLE. It is directed by my friend Mr. Tom Scharpling, who is a brilliant madman.

BARE FEET AND ASCOTS ARE HAVING A MOMENT THIS SEASON.

It is tremendously important that you purchase John’s final book in his trilogy of all world knowledge, THAT IS ALL.

TO THE FERRET SKELETON ROOM!

When I’m not hosting my public radio show, The Sound of Young America, or my comedy show, Jordan, Jesse, Go!, my TV show, The Grid, or Put This On, I produce and serve as the bailiff on the Judge John Hodgman podcast. In the show, John (who you may know from the Daily Show or as the PC in the Mac/PC commercials) judges personal disputes, People’s Court-style. 

This week’s case was style related: a woman who was embarassed that her fiance went to work wearing torn jeans or cargo shorts and ratty t-shirts. His argument was that he was a programmer, and at least he wasn’t wearing a shirt with a unicorn on it. She countered that it was embarrassing to be seen with him.

You’ll have to listen to the show to find out what Judge Hodgman ruled. You can also download it for free in iTunes.

From my pal Hodgman, who has been fighting to save his own mustache from the vicissitudes of the entertainment industry.

“When you dare Burt Reynolds, be prepared for anything.  That is what comic Steve Martin found out when he dared the actor to  shave off his mustache during the telecast of NBC-TV’s “the Tonight Show  Starring Johnny Carson” on September 25, 1978. Martin told Burt:  “You’re not a wild and crazy guy are you?” At that Reynolds got a razor  from a prop man and began shaving the mustache he had since 1973. He  also worse a fake arrow through his head. (UPI Photo/handout/Files)”

From my pal Hodgman, who has been fighting to save his own mustache from the vicissitudes of the entertainment industry.

“When you dare Burt Reynolds, be prepared for anything. That is what comic Steve Martin found out when he dared the actor to shave off his mustache during the telecast of NBC-TV’s “the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson” on September 25, 1978. Martin told Burt: “You’re not a wild and crazy guy are you?” At that Reynolds got a razor from a prop man and began shaving the mustache he had since 1973. He also worse a fake arrow through his head. (UPI Photo/handout/Files)”