Man Wearing Low-Cut Swimsuit As Though Public Pool A Sun-Kissed Sardinian Cove
KANSAS CITY, MO—Clad in a pair of revealing, skintight swim trunks, local man Paul Withers strode past an array of plastic lounge chairs Wednesday as though the Choteau Community Pool was a remote, sun-dappled Sardinian cove, onlookers reported. Withers, who seemingly confused the facility’s concrete walkway with a winding path down a rocky slope leading to the gleaming white sands and azure waters of the Costa Verde, then proceeded to mill around the swimming area in full view of patrons, having apparently mistaken the roughly 30 west Missourians for a group of lithe, olive-skinned European models. 
More at The Onion

Man Wearing Low-Cut Swimsuit As Though Public Pool A Sun-Kissed Sardinian Cove

KANSAS CITY, MO—Clad in a pair of revealing, skintight swim trunks, local man Paul Withers strode past an array of plastic lounge chairs Wednesday as though the Choteau Community Pool was a remote, sun-dappled Sardinian cove, onlookers reported. Withers, who seemingly confused the facility’s concrete walkway with a winding path down a rocky slope leading to the gleaming white sands and azure waters of the Costa Verde, then proceeded to mill around the swimming area in full view of patrons, having apparently mistaken the roughly 30 west Missourians for a group of lithe, olive-skinned European models. 

More at The Onion

Man Only Buys Products Made Right Here In The USA By Cheap Immigrant Labor
DANVILLE, KY—Saying that he doesn’t want any of “that crap made in foreign countries,” local man Doug Adelwright, 47, confirmed Tuesday that he only buys products manufactured right here in the United States by underpaid immigrant laborers. “I always buy American, because I believe in supporting businesses that don’t move their factories overseas and instead employ illegal migrant workers to make things here at home,” said Adelwright, adding that you’ll never see a “made in Bangladesh” tag inside any of his shirts, because his clothes are made exclusively under U.S. sweatshop conditions.
More at The Onion

Man Only Buys Products Made Right Here In The USA By Cheap Immigrant Labor

DANVILLE, KY—Saying that he doesn’t want any of “that crap made in foreign countries,” local man Doug Adelwright, 47, confirmed Tuesday that he only buys products manufactured right here in the United States by underpaid immigrant laborers. “I always buy American, because I believe in supporting businesses that don’t move their factories overseas and instead employ illegal migrant workers to make things here at home,” said Adelwright, adding that you’ll never see a “made in Bangladesh” tag inside any of his shirts, because his clothes are made exclusively under U.S. sweatshop conditions.

More at The Onion

Need some fall fashion tips? The Onion is here to help. 

The Onion: Report: Some Shirts Good, Other Shirts Not Good
A report released Thursday by the Brookings Institute confirmed that some shirts are good and other shirts are not good.
The research, conducted over a 10-year period, concluded that the average American has five to seven good shirts, and eight or more not-good shirts. Good shirts, the report confirmed, typically have collars on them.

The Onion: Report: Some Shirts Good, Other Shirts Not Good

A report released Thursday by the Brookings Institute confirmed that some shirts are good and other shirts are not good.

The research, conducted over a 10-year period, concluded that the average American has five to seven good shirts, and eight or more not-good shirts. Good shirts, the report confirmed, typically have collars on them.

The Onion: Man Purchasing Pair of Red Pants Better Be Willing To Put Up Or Shut Up.
The Onion: Johnny Depp Now Completely Made of Scarves & Bracelets

I can post this on Put This On because it is about a hat.

jessethorn:

The Onion’s Lake Dredge Appraisal - Suspicious Hat

“That’s a nice hat you’re wearing.”

GOOD LORD I LOVE LAKE DREDGE APPRAISAL.

The Onion: Mr. Autumn Man Walking Down Street With Cup Of Coffee, Wearing Sweater Over Plaid Collared Shirt

The Onion: Mr. Autumn Man Walking Down Street With Cup Of Coffee, Wearing Sweater Over Plaid Collared Shirt

This week on The Onion’s “Lake Dredge Appraisal,” a pilfered briefcase!