Our director Ben spotted this monstrosity in the window of a tony men’s store in Sausalito, California. I’d write a whole article about it, but let this suffice: do not purchase or wear a sterling silver necktie knot cover.
My friend Oliver Wang, proprietor of the great blog Soul Sides, just sent me this picture, with the caption, “The moment when you finally ‘get’ why square-toed shoes are a bad look.”
Sometimes people send me horrible clothing items. I rarely post them. These, though… these are in a class of their own. Chainmail toe shoes. Astonishing.
And that’s without even getting into the part of their marketing copy which reads, “Get undivided attention of friends and people around you - and have fun!”
Goodness, gracious. If your primary sartorial issue is that people’s attention to you and your shoes isn’t undivided… oof.
This is amazing. This Instructable is all about how to “resole” generic Crocs using floor mats, an electric turkey knife, and contact cement. We truly live in a world of marvels.
I call this look “The Reservoir Tip.”
I consider it to be the worst thing Hollywood has ever perpetrated upon the world.
Worse than Gigli. Worse than Battlefield Earth. Worse, even, than Pauly Shore.
This hooded sweatshirt costs $1,860.
People email me every time I point out the fact that Five Finger Shoes and their ilk are perhaps the ugliest footwear fad, well, ever. (I was going to write “since aqua sox,” but Five Finger Shoes are significantly uglier than aqua sox. In fact, if someone had never seen Five Finger Shoes, a good way to describe them would be: “remember aqua sox? Imagine you were dreaming about aqua sox, and then the dream turned into a terrible nightmare.”)
So, in honor of Five Finger Shoes, which may have some sports-related functional reason to exist, here are a few other pieces of athletic equipment I don’t think you should wear in public, and some important lessons you should draw.
- Speedo. No one wants to see the grotesquely suggestive outline of your dick or toes.
- Baseball glove. Don’t transform your digits into a terrifying monstrosity.
- Cleats. Your footwear shouldn’t scare children.
- Dancer’s cup. Calls attention to the wrong thing.
- Bike shorts. See number one.
This time around, several folks told me that in order to benefit from running in toe shoes, you have to wear them to the grocery store, and what is my suggestion?
My suggestion is to get yourself some aqua sox and take up swimming.