Five Wardrobe Essentials You’ll Research For Eighteen Months, Then Wear For One

April 16, 2018

It’s time to refresh your wardrobe! Unfortunately, with so many styles to choose from, and such expensive prices, it’s important to do your research before plopping down what’ll amount to thousands of dollars for new duds. Are those shoes actually well-made? Should you build a wardrobe around palewave or workwear? The good news is that there are hundreds of forums, magazines, and blogs nowadays to help you answer those questions. But act fast! With trends moving so quickly, you’ll likely spend more time learning about an item than actually wearing it. So, to help you get started on your quest to become fashionable, here are five wardrobe essentials you’ll research for eighteen months, then wear for one.


A Proper Suit Cause You’re a Big Boy Now

This is the one wardrobe essential for serious occasions, such as weddings, funerals, and job interviews in industries you’re not remotely qualified for. A suit is something you’ll wear as often as once or twice every few years, eventually adding up to 30 days of wear before you die, so spend an inordinate amount of time learning about good tailoring. And be sure to think through the details — canvassed vs. fused construction, soft vs. structured shoulders, English vs. Italian style. That way, when the barista asks why you’re so dressed up, you can correct him by saying how these patch pockets actually make you look casual.



The Best Possible Cashmere Sweater Ever

Cashmere is a thing of dreams. The slippery, fine fiber makes up into the softest, warmest sweaters on the planet — something you can bury your face into as you cry over how beautiful these knits feel. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of bad cashmere out there, so spend eighteen months researching every goat herder, spinning company, and knitting mill in the world. A top-end, luxury class sweater is something you can wear for as long as a month before replacing it, after you realize dry cleaning is kind of annoying and you’re too lazy to hand wash.



Boots as Tough as Nails, Like You

You need boots tough enough to keep up your lifestyle, a pair that’ll take you from your front door to car, then back again. Don’t be afraid to really dig in here. Join online forums and read about shoe construction for eighty weeks, so you can become an expert on footwear quality. Goodyear welting vs. stitched down construction, stacked leather heels vs. fiberboard, cork footbeds vs. PU foam — these are things a normal person needs to know before buying shoes. Remember, a pair of high-quality boots can be resoled many times over, which means they’ll last the lifetime of your interest in this trend. So, about the same amount of time as two laundry cycles.



Fuller Fitting Pants for That Next Lvl Lewk

It’s finally happening! Men’s silhouettes are loosening up again, moving away from the monolithic and oppressive slim-fitting clothes that have dominated fashion for fifteen years. Of course, you can’t go out and just buy any ol’ pair of baggy pants. The right ones are all about nuances in the cut and style, pushing you closer to Vogue’s idea of hip skaters and away frumpy, copy center employees who are actually skaters. Spend the next year-and-a-half of your life reading about how to wear fuller cut trousers (tip: pair them with being a professional model and looking angry, but also maybe orgasming. Also, never stop moving your legs, so the fabric is constantly swishing). Once you get the right pair, you can cold rock ‘em for all of thirty days before slinking back into those slim jeans you never wash.



Versatile All-White Sneakers You’ll Surely Wear Forever

Some things never go out of style. Simple, minimalistic, all-white sneakers a la Common Projects are tasteful enough to go with anything in your wardrobe. They are, however, dearly expensive. So spend the equivalent of a million employable hours figuring out which are the best affordable alternatives — is the leather as good on this other model? Are the insoles comfortable? It’s important to figure all these things out because you’ll wear them for an entire month before realizing everyone in your city is wearing the same looking shoes. Then you’ll have to research some new thing.

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