Clothing companies have the most generic descriptions for their products. “Heritage” this, “only get better with age” that. So last night, I wrote up a fake description, gathered some overused words and phrases, and made a menswear ad-lib of sorts. Just select words from each category and drop them into my made-up product description below. See if it doesn’t read like every single thing you’ve ever read on a clothing company’s website.
- Nouns (pick six) : shirts, suits, sweaters, pants, socks, vests, hats, jackets, coats, Arctic expeditionary gear, Swedish military parkas, workwear smocks, mid-century buckle-back chinos, double monks, Buddhist bracelets, peak-lapel double-breasted jackets, slim cargo pants, burgundy shawl-collar smoking jackets.
- Adjectives for material (pick two): premium, unrivaled, supersoft, luxurious, world-famous, Italian, genuine, unexpectedly soft, very best, arguably the best.
- Adjective for fit (pick one): tailored, perfect, classic, comfortable, slim but not too slim, louche but not too louche
- Adjective for garment (pick six): classic, vintage, authentic, heritage, heirloom, refined, iconic, traditional, timeless, modern, contemporary
- Verb (pick two): dress it up or wear it down, throw it over anything, use it to sharpen up any look, use it to add an unexpected pop of color, use it as Scott Schuman bait, put it on for a WIWT photo and get the maximum number of reblogs, put it on for a WIWT photo and get both reblogs and new followers
- Season (pick one): spring’s, summer’s, fall’s, winter’s
- Material (pick two): leather, wool, cotton, linen, cashmere, polyester, vicuna, shell cordovan, angora, mohair, human baby skin.
- Country (pick one): USA, Italy, England, China, Southern Liechtenstein
- Generic heritage clothing brand name (pick two words from each category and put them together: Category 1: River, Stone, Wood, Murphy, Cooper, Harris, James, Charles, Alexander. Category 2: Moore, Anderson, Miller, Jackson, Hall, Young, Walker, Hill, Goods, Adams, Barker, Parker, Morris, Richardson, Peterson, Brooks, Sanders, Powell, Hughes, Simmons, Russell, & Sons
Now have fun:
- At (generic heritage clothing brand name), we’ve taken our old favorites, built from a foundation of (adjective for garment 1) (noun 1), (adjective for garment 2) (noun 2) and (adjective for garment 3) (noun 3), and evolved them into a limited-edition range of essentials we feel no guy should go without. A nod to both (adjective for garment 4) (noun 4) and (adjective for garment 5) (noun 5), the new collection is about our rich heritage. For example, our (adjective for garment 6) (noun 6) is sure to keep the worst of (season) elements at bay. Constructed with the utmost care and attention to detail, this staple is made with the (adjective for material 1) (material 1) and (adjective for material 2) (material 2). The fit is (adjective for fit) and you can (verb 1) or (verb 2). That’s what you get when you use time honored traditions and the very best materials. Expertly handcrafted by our artisans in (country), our (noun 6) will surely last a lifetime and only get better age.
