Top 10 Suit Crimes

July 14, 2011

Top 10 suit crimes

Patrick Johnson has been getting some buzz in the last four to six months. Partly because of their awesome Tumblr, and partly because of their association with GW and Ethan, some of the best dressed men around. 

Sometime last Fall, they published a “Top Ten Suit Crimes” list in The Punch, an Australian news and opinion website. The rules expounded are pretty basic for anyone who has been paying attention to this stuff. However, they’re worth reminding, and I like that the guys over at P. Johnson did it with a bit of a middle finger. I’ve posted their top ten tips below, but you can also click the link to the original article to read a bit about what brands they recommend buying.

Top 10 suit crimes

1. Eyewear
Avoid wearing sports sunglasses with a suit. It doesn’t make you look like a blues brother, it makes you look like a PE teacher at a wedding.

2. Tags
Cut the manufacturers tag off the sleeve of your suit. It’s amazing how many people leave them on. If you need to flash the label of your suit to prove its worthiness then you should get a new tailor.

3. Buttons
If you don’t want to look like you are facing up for your first court appearance then don’t button up all the buttons on you suit jacket. For a two button jacket only button the top button. On a three button jacket, button the middle button always and the top button only occasionally.

4. Walking to work
Unless you are channelling Jerry Seinfield, avoid wearing chunky white trainers with a suit. If you want to exercise then wear a track suit.

5. Shoulders
Its not 1991 and you’re not a American footballer so don’t wear shoulder pads that are overly thick with suit shoulders that are too wide. The shape of a suit’s shoulder is very important, it dictates the suit’s cut and is the tailor’s signature.

Furthermore it’s the only part of the suit that can’t be altered, so make sure the shoulder is right.

Trust your own instincts and don’t let the sales person’s flattery push you towards the wrong shoulder.

6.  Socks
With the exception of the occasional pleasing colour pop that can be achieved with the well thought out use of a simple pair of plain bright socks (ie. Red), stick to socks within the grey, navy or black family. Don’t wear bright striped socks, they won’t make you look like a dandy, they’ll make you look like a twat whose girlfriend bought his socks.

7.  Sleeves
A baggy sleeve looks sloppy and makes the whole suit look shapeless. The sleeves of your jacket should provide enough room to be comfortable, but no more. Assuming your shirts are the correct length, the suit’s sleeve should stop 1cm before the shirts cuff.

8. Pimpn’ Loafers
Pointy loafers in white/ light brown (or any colour for that matter) that turn up at the end look awful.

When the sales person tells you “these are all the rage in Italy”, that usually means, we got the stock really cheap because they stopped wearing these in Italy 5 years ago. If you are a South American drug kingpin then I apologize.

Try to find a relatively plain pair of black lace ups for a navy/ grey suit.

9. Belts with suits – don’t do it
Belts with formal suits don’t work, especially when wearing a tie. 

Instead use trousers with side adjusters. A belt breaks up the flow of the outfit, which results in your legs looking shorter. They also create unnecessary bulk. 

If you are going to wear a belt then please choose one that matches the color and material of your shoes. Also choose a belt with a small, discrete buckle.

10. Don’t fart in a wet suit.

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